Ah, the Mesona Grass Jelly Drink. Let me tell you, this beverage is not your average thirst quencher. It's more like a trip to Dr. Seuss's Swamp of Slorp meets a backyard barbecue gone mildly feral.
Watch the video here: Mesona Grass Jelly Herbal Tea (youtube.com)
Want to try it yourself? Buy it here
First Impressions:
Mesona Grass Jelly Drink comes in a unassuming can, plastered with both Chinese and English descriptions of the grassy nectar within.
The can is however designed to withstand a nuclear blast – it is much tougher than your average soft drink can, it is practically indestructible, demanding Hulk-like strength to crush – a drink built for the end of times. . This a drink built for the end of times. Simply opening the can required herculean strength, requiring the assistance of the standard form Drinks Opening Apparatus (aka electrical screwdriver). Even when it was empty the can remains solid enough to KO Mike Tyson on a bad day.
The can opens with a typical 'schlipt’ of a metal ring, but no fiz to be found in this one. Once opened it unleashed a scent that could best be described as… well… nothing. Following a strong snort of the opening one might catch a waft of "freshly mowed lawn dipped in molasses." Not exactly what I was expecting from a "herbal tea," but hey, points for originality.
Decanting into the fancy Drinks Assessment VesselTM reveals a beautiful shade of "swamp murky brown", a tantalising treat for your viewing pleasure. There is however a trick to the pour, as the grass jelly itself tends to hug the bottom of the can, and then cling to the rim like yesterday’s blown out curry, you gotta get in there good and deep to get that sweet sweet grass. Once you get it running, it splorts out in true loose poo fashion.
The first sip was...an experience. Imagine sipping on a glass of sugar cane water that got lost in a compost bin and decided to make friends with some earthworms. A non-fizzy liquid that is sweet, earthy, and with a texture that's somewhere between gelatine and grandpa's dentures. It wasn't exactly love at first gulp.
The jelly, sinking to the bottom like an anchor, resembles yesterday’s silicone gap filler left to mature in a vat of murky sugar water. These little black dregs add a curious chewiness to the drink, much like thick mucus coughed up deep from a bacterially infested lung.
The taste is quite mild and slightly sweet, with a subtle grassy flavor, rice and a hint of smokiness. It's definitely not your typical sugary soft drink, but it's drinkable and mostly enjoyable in its own sweet chunky way.
Taking the Plunge:
More sips did not equal more pleasure. It's not like the drink cast a spell on my taste buds, whispering promises of exotic jungles and secret gardens where tiny lawnmowers roam free, rather it led me more down the back garden path where the bins hold last weeks lawn clippings.
The Grass is Greener (on the Bottom):
The real intrigue lies in the jelly bits – these black cubes lurking at the bottom are like edible stones from a witch's garden. Describing them as chewy would be deceptive; they're more akin to a jelly with the consistency of silicone. It's an unexpected textural adventure, to say the least.
Final Verdict:
Would I recommend the Mesona Grass Jelly Drink? Well, recommend is a strong word, but it wouldn’t kill you if you wanted to try it. If you're looking for a sugary soda fix, look elsewhere. If you like chewing on your shower screen silicone joinery or ‘no more gaps’, then sure thing!
Rating: 4 out of 5 lawnmowers
P.S. If you see me at the grocery store with a shopping cart full of Mesona Grass Jelly Drink, don't judge. I'm just stocking up for the inevitable apocalypse where only the those in possession of the can of death survive.
Want to try it yourself? Buy it here
Watch the video here: Mesona Grass Jelly Herbal Tea (youtube.com)
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